Sleepless Nights…
Sunday, February 12th, 2006What is it that can make a person have so much trouble sleeping? I can ask that question because I have been having this problem for the past few days now. In fact, i’m actually writing this blog at 4 o’clock in the morning, unable to sleep for unknown reasons. Was it the food I ate last night? Is it the humidity (actually it is VERY hot right now)? Or is it this nagging thing at the back of my mind which for the life of me I don’t know what it is… Now that i’m thinking about it, I don’t know WHY i’m even writing this Blog.
There’s this overwhelming feeling right now that I am experiencing. The sense of helplessness, loneliness, feeling lethargic, uselessness, aimless, and a whole lot more. All chunked into a walking lump of (slowly decaying) human flesh. Mindlessly walking around like some zombie with a soul, lost in a sea of people, without a purpose.
What is it that I am actually experiencing? Can anybody tell me? Its so familliar, yet very elusive, like a distant touch of a lost love. Could that be it? Loneliness? Solitude? Two things that I feel I have in abundance of and only now feeling its effects?
How long have I been staring at the screen writing this sad excuse of a blog? Very long as I can see the first light of dawn seeping through my bedroom window. Such a soft blue which will slowly and eventually turn into the bright burning light of the sun. The feel of the soft touch of the cold morning dew and the inevitable start of a new day. What will I do? What will I accomplish today? The feeling of dread in my heart nearly overwhelms me if not for my self discipline. But how long will that last? How long will I be in control of my mind and soul? Without a Life, without a Purpose, without Love?
The slow spiral down to my own oblivion…
Nuf’ Said. LaterZ.
